Thursday, December 12, 2013

One more day...

Hello again!

So, today was going to be my last day at work - ideally I would have stopped last week, but with one thing and another, we were going to be quite short staffed from Monday to Thursday, so I offered to stay to help out. I was pretty sure I made this clear to my boss lady, but obviously I didn't, because she thought I was working Friday, too. And it was just as I was leaving yesterday that she said see you Friday, and it was all awkward and I hate trying to argue with her about stuff, so I just went, okay then.

I was pretty disappointed at first, both in myself for not arguing the point, and at the situation in general, cause dammit I was looking forward to holidays! But, I figure the extra effort to explain it all to her is more trouble than the extra effort of just working one more half-day. So I'll do it and then buy myself a treat.

What else? Henry got his first ever present in his shoe from the Icelandic yule lads this morning, I guess I maybe should have taken a photo? Oh well, I'll remember it with my brain parts instead - he got a little steamroller, which he and Ross decided to call Stephanie. It's funny, we'll ask him what name he wants to give a toy (all of them have names!), but we always forget that he doesn't actually know that many names, so if you don't offer a suggestion you'll end up with a whole range of different toys with the same name. Makes life easier, I guess?

I saw this write up at Shakesville, about a six year old kid who got suspended from school for kissing a girl, and the media stuff about it is all 'geez, lighten up, boys will be boys' and 'it's political correctness gone mad' and all that crap. Thing is, the boy has invaded this girl's space against her wishes a number of times, and the school has a zero tolerance policy on unwanted touching. The only reason he's getting suspended is because he is continuing with inappropriate behaviour after being told that it's not okay. And it seems like his mum is the one telling him that it is okay, he's just expressing himself, and that everyone else is a big meanie, boo hiss.

Anyway, there's lots of good conversation about teaching consent to kids, which is relevant to my interests because, y'know, currently raising one of those guys and I'd like to do a good job. Someone pointed out that the best way to teach kids stuff like that is by example, which I've totally taken to heart: Henry has been completely refusing to kiss me goodnight lately, and when he says no, then we just wave or have a high five instead. If he says he doesn't want someone to hug or kiss or touch him, then he's allowed to say no. And on the other hand if someone else says stop, then I hope he recognises their right to say no, too.

All of which is a long winded way of saying that if you meet Henry and he doesn't want to give you a goodbye kiss, it's not a referendum on whether he loves you or not. He gets to be the boss of himself sometimes.

Haha, that got a bit serious. Turns out I have some Feelings about things, and at least if I rant them out, then you don't have to read any more complaints about my health for the time being :) I'll save it for next time!


Gil Liane said...

I like your recognition of shades of grey. People like to distill news stories to black and white, and then be outraged, but sometimes that's just not the whole truth- or even the most relevant aspects. The situation also has some creepy subconscious connotations, in that if the kid was hitting the girl repeatedly, he'd be suspended, & people would agree, but if he's kissing her in a way that's not wanted, people view that as less offensive, to the point where it's not offensive at all- and yet it is to the child (as you pointed out). It actually says a lot about society's subconscious attitudes to women and unwanted affection, ie that it's not "really" offensive for a girl's personal space to be invaded with a physical expression of unwanted affection... eg. I'm not a hugger, and I noticed when I got out into the world, ie after school years, that if guy friends said they weren't huggers, people backed off instantly, but if I said I wasn't a hugger, generally it was ignored and I got engulfed by people. I hated it, so you definitely have a point! (And it looks like I have more opinions on the story than I thought, too). Am glad to hear you're almost finished with work! :) Hope the cold is getting better x

Anna said...

Solid parenting! Henry is going to be a good adult.

Maja said...

Ditto Olga and Gil!

Invasion of personal space is pretty horrible. I remember having interactions with lots of kids as a kid who didn't understand that concept of personal space and they were kind of treated like pariahs by everybody because of it, which then made them behave even worse and more desperately.

Olivia is pretty liberal with the refusal of kisses and hugs. I don't care because I get heaps of affection anyway, but I may have to discuss this with Jason.

Also. Woohoo maternity leave!

olga said...

Thanks dudes!

Maja, that's a good point with getting all the affection at other times - it's probably easier for me to say, cool, no kisses, because I know I'll get all the snuggles later on...
And yeah, surely it's for the kid's own good that he learns how not to be a creep who makes people uncomfortable?

Yep, Gil, the different response because he kissed her as opposed to hitting her is all kinds of icky.